Dandy Lions

Nobody's cryin'
For dandy lions.
They come and they go
Putting on a show.

There's no stopping them.
There's just more mayhem.
All over the park
Their effect is stark.

For then they do fawn
An imperfect lawn.
What will neighbors think?
Will home values sink?

Though it's rather crass
I prefer crabgrass. 
If you must have weeds.
That will fill your needs.

Rubbing me the wrong way

Worse then dimples
Are new pimples.
They're rather sly
One's on the thigh.

I now regret
After I sweat
Taking an hour
Before the shower.

All Thumbs

Composing a rhyme on your phone
Is something to postpone.
Though to be fair
When you do err
For that sin you need not atone.

Who comes up with thes?

Citation and Man o' War
Those were names you could adore.
Look at the ones in the Derby now.
Remember these names?  I wonder how.

Expert Picks | 2015 Kentucky Derby & Oaks | May 1 and 2, 2015 | Tickets, Events, News via kwout

The latest pain site

Carpal tunnel or arthritis?
Or perhaps some other type of itis?
It matters not what you call it.
What counts is how to forestall it.

Incognito

For within the home effacement
Try hanging out in the basement.
Once the cleaning lady has shown up
Best to skedaddle, me and the pup.

In praise of Remo

An 80s schlock movie
Really kind of groovy
Humor and satire
Plus Chiun's spiffy attire.

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (1985) - IMDb via kwout

Rebranding

Adopting a new organization name
When what you do remains just the same
Will bend some out of joint
Asking what is the point
A move that seems rather lame.

Who needs an alarm clock?

Chirping birds at 3 AM
With their symphony of tones
Another reason for lack of sleep
Apart for pain in my bones.

Oy Vey!

English type of thinking when applied to Yiddish
Likely causes sinking and makes the reader skittish.

Consider the verbal analogy, first shtick and then shtickle.
If one is a laughter trick, the other causes humor to trickle.

So wary of the malaprop and other verbal abuse.
I wait not for the shoe to drop by keeping these rhymes obtuse.

After Laughter

Humor in writing is no mean trick.
You must reach the punchline rather quick.
Really the setup is key,
So begin with lunacy.
An improbable start makes it tick.

Prepping for Precipitation

How does one get ready
Today with a threat of rain?
Keep disposition steady?
Or let it rack one's brain?

It's not so much getting wet I fear;
The concern covers other points.
One of those that I hold quite dear;
I now feel it in my joints.

Hourly Weather Forecast for Champaign, IL - weather.com via kwout

Punctual Punctuation

What is the point of an exclamation?
Bent out of joint?  Or a proclamation?

Declarative statements should be averred, not obscene.

The Legacy of Bluto and Otter

As their purpose seems mainly to make mayhem,
If fraternities didn't exist would we invent them?
With a tradition that was grand
Things since got out of hand.
Shut them down?  Alumni donors won't let them.

How widespread are the issues facing fraternities? | InsideHigherEd.com via kwout

The Fly in the (Virtual) Ointment

Playing a game against the computer
How could an opponent be any cuter?

For each of my tits in response is a tat
Absent any emotion, all just matter of fact.

It's not like playing chess with the local clown
Who feigns sardonic wit with the occasional putdown.

Just about everything about it with the computer is better
And on the rare day that I win, I've earned a red letter.

There's just one problem that sometimes causes me to shrug.
Once in a while in the game's program you'll find a bug.

I don't mean the type that would render the game inert.
I've never experienced that though if I did it would hurt.

I'm talking instead about discovering a cheat,
Which allows you to claim victory though really you were beat.

Winning that way tends to spoil the fun
And soon thereafter with that game you're done.